why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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