my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
