There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
