Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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