You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i think i just lost a toe
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.