I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams