she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
