worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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