y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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