Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
