he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
