btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you never un-have a 4some
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
