Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
