this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
