So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
