just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
