I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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