God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
