I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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