she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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