I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
