he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize