two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
