i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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