remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
