There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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