Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
