My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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