And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Randomize
