I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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