how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize
