if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
