Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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