im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
