I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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