Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
