Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
