Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
