I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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