Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
