Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
