Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
