If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
