Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
