if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize