physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
