I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
