I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
