some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's get the cat blown out
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