Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
