he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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