____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
