I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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