dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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