This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
