Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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