Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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