College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
