I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
