Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Your tits are I can't wait for
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
