As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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