Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
