if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
