My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
