i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
