dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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