its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
