i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i've created a new STD.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
