Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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