Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
