please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I believe in your delicious
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
