He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We left the knife in your bed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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