we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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