It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
