I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
