I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
