Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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